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Twilight Read-Through: Day 6

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Page 314: " 'I love you,' I whispered. 'You are my life now,' he answered simply."

Also, why is he carrying her down the stairs like a child?

Also, Page 318: 1) She's meeting his family already? Holy good god. 2) The image of her in a full-length KHAKI skirt and blouse is just about the lease "tempting" thing I can imagine. The mental image I'm given here (added in with the volvo) is a middle-aged soccer mom. But I guess that's kinda the point, isn't it? Nothing hotter than that.

Page 324: "I added conventionally." WHAT? What the fuck is that supposed to add to that sentence? "I said in a totally normal way." JUST USE "I SAID."

Page 327: Alright, time for a little rant. Edward keeps going on and on about how happy his parents are that he has someone. He says they've been worried about him and were "afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup." I just... I gotta protest this one. There's nothing missing from your essential makeup if you aren't with a long-term, serious partner at age 17. Or at age 90, or whatever he is. There is nothing essentially wrong with you if you never get married. Actually, I know this is crazy talk, but it's really ok to be alone. For your whole life if that's what you prefer. Or until you're 20 or 30 or 800. It's a completely reasonable and ok way to live your whole entire life.

Page 329: HE ATE HER TEAR

I'm just going to leave the whole "Christian vampires" thing alone... but I will mention that everything she calls "ancient" in this book (the cross, Edward's emotions) is not actually even a little bit ancient. I don't think that word means what she believes it means...

Page 338: You know, ever since that first day, when she asked him a bunch of questions, he has literally not let her speak. Here he puts a finger on her mouth to stop her. He cuts off questions before she can ask. And the two days AFTER the one day where she asked him questions, he asked her. It seems to perpetually be "his turn."

Page 343: "...Edward as he hunted, terrible and glorious as a young god, unstoppable. Would she have been grateful, that girl...?" No, she would not be fucking grateful to be stalked and killed like an animal. I don't even know where to begin. Google "rape culture." All of that. Just... all of it.

Page 349: " 'The child has no idea.' I bridgled at the wordl child. 'Jacob is not that much younger than I am.' " Ewwww

Page 363: "Instead of keeping safely motionless," she kisses him back. Are women supposed to remain "safely motionless" while kissing? And during sex, I presume? Then, page 366: He kisses her. "I held properly still."

Page 376: Oh, look. Another non-white villain.

Chapter 19: The couple pages devoted to poor Charlie having his heart ripped out were the most interesting in this enitre book. I really, really cared and was genuinely sad for the guy. Mustache Dad is the only character worth reading about.

Page 418: "Can you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too?" Huh? Despite what he has put her through, he can dig real deep and find a way to love her? That makes zero god damn sense.

And just like that, I'm free. FREE! I have to suck up my pride here and admit the end was a pretty averagely good thriller. All the parts with the tracker and his whole sceme. I was genuinely surprised by his deception. I tore through the part where she ran away and he almost killed her and all that good stuff. It was direct and to the point and way higher quality writing than the rest of the novel. Though it does make me wonder why only 50 out of 500 pages have any actual fucking plot.

And then he took her to the prom T^T. (After she explicitely said for 500 pages that she didn't want to go and while her leg was broken? I can't even begin on how inconsiderate and douchey the whole thing was.)

Regardless, I'M FREEEE. I read it. The whole god damn thing. I'll write some final thoughts tomorrow. Or maybe I'll just do lots of drugs and try to forget this whole thing happened. 

Twilight Read-Through: Day 5

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Oh yeah, baby. We're still doing this.

Page 233: He leans across her to open the car door (apparently she can't do it?) then gets real weird and freezes up and says "Another complication." Did he just pop a boner???

Page 242: Ugh, this is her first boyfriend ever? What abstenance porn bullshit. One sexual partner fo lyfe! It's what all the cool kids are doing!

Page 251: "Since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him." Grooooooooooooooooooss

Page 252: She takes a recommended dosage of sleeping pills. "I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself. [...] I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug use." HHahhAHHAHAHAHhahahaha oh gurl. Oh sweet baby girl.

Page 253: So gross. They match. Like, their clothing. So. Fucking. Gross.

Page 263: The smell of his breath makes her mouth water? What the fuck? I can not imagine anything more disgusting.

Page 264-266: Dude, he just showed off how easily he could kill her by smashing trees and shit. That's textbook fucking absuive boyfriend shit right there. Let me show how easy it would be for me to hurt you. We'll be together forever, right?

Page 273: Wait, wait, wait. She is the MOST IMPORTANT thing EVER to him? Really? Homeboy's been alive for hundreds of years and a girl he's known for a few days is THE. MOST. IMPORTANT. THING. EVER. Ever. EVEEEER.

Page 302: " 'Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner.' But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists."

Okay, has anyone else noticed that Charlie is a totally acceptable father that she constantly berates? Like, he accepted her into his house. He's the police chief. He's interested in her life. He never complains. He bought her a fucking car. And yet the more she gets to know Edward, the more he's becoming her father. Edward carries her around "like a child" and watches over her at night and this is getting real fucking creepy, guys. REAL creepy.

Twilight Read-Through: Day 4

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Page 155-160-ish: Let's just notice that the rapist is fat and "dark."

Page 168: "Do I dazzle you?"

All of Chapter 8. Just... just all of it: WHAT. THE. WHAT. This dude just told her he can read minds and FOLLOWED HER SECETLY while she hung out with her friends and that he was very, VERY close to committing multiple murders and her reaction is to be charmed and get in his fucking car? Holy fucking shitballs.

Page 180: Wait, AND he can fucking follow her scent? This is the creepiest mother fucker in the god damn world.

Page 188: I'm going to restrain myself from saying, as an actual vegetarian, anything about the vampire sometimes-vegetarians who kill animals and oops, sometimes also humans. Hilarious inside joke, you guys!

Page 190: This guy is angry fucking constantly. "He growled", "His voice whipped out, low and harsh" and " 'Are you crying?' He sounded appalled" all on one page. To say nothing of him being appalled at her crying after nearly being raped and then getting in an angry murderer's car at his demand. Shit, I'd be fucking crying too.

OMG IF HE ASKS HER WHAT SHE'S THINKING ONE MORE GOD DAMN TIME... That said, this does explain a lot about one guy I dated and why he thought repeating that question would make me not want to kill him. He was wrong.

Page 193: This is the strangest supposedly-human exchange I have ever witnessed:
" 'I'll see you tomorrow,' he sighed, and I knew he wanted me to leave now. (Don't mind me. Just getting home after almost getitng raped. Let me get out of your way now that you've sighed at me.)
" 'Tomorrow, then.' I opened the door unwillingly.
" 'Bella?' I turned and he was leaning toward me, his PALE, GLORIOUS FACE just inches from mine. My heart stopped beating.
" 'Sleep well,' he said. His breath blew in my face, stunning me. It was the same exquisite scent that clung to his jacket, but in a more concentrated form. I blinked, thoroughly dazed. (He is dazzling, after all.) He leaned away."
Then he laughs as she stumbles out of his car. If one of my friends told me this had happened to them I would tell them to fucking run.

Page 194: On which she says she's tired because she did a lot of walking and collapses in a chair because she's feeling dizzy. Yet on page 175 he is literally bribing her to eat anything - anything at all. This is actual textbook anorexia.

Page 197: "I'm not that delicate." "Aren't you?" he contradicted. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

Pages 210-213 have shredded my last bit of hope for the human race.
  - 210-211: They argue about who cares more about the other person. "...if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe." I glared. "And you don't thinK I would do the same?"
  - 211: Why is she so god damn helpless???? "Keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presense" (God, he talks like a pretentious douche.) [...] "I would have argued, but now I wanted him to be expecting disasters."
  - 212: "I would have been angrier if his laughter wasn't so fascinating." There's no such thing as fascinating fucking laughter.
  - 213: " 'Won't you tell your father that you're spending the day with me?' There was an undercurrent to his question that I didn't understand." Then let me break it down for you, Bella. Homeboy is trying to meet your day THE DAY AFTER STARTING TO DATE YOU. Because Jesus and stuff.
  - 213: Also, why do you need to beg for his permission to drive? You have a license, girl.

Page 221: "cusing Jessica straight to the fiery pits of Hades." WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW, CHRISTIANS?

Page 227: "It must be a hard thing, to be a father; living in fear that your daughter would meet a boy she liked, but also having to worry if she didn't." I don't even know where to start.

[updates ongoing]

Twilight Read-Through: Day 3

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Page 123: "I tried to make my smile alluring, wondering if I was laying it on too thick. He smiled back, though, looking allured."

Page 125: on which the only non-white character uses the phrase "pale-faces."

Page 136: "leaned my hooded head back against the living tree." The LIVING tree. LIVING. TREE.

Page 138: "To tell him to leave me alone [...] I was gripped in a sudden AGONY OF DISPAIR as I considered that alternative. MY MIND REJECTED THE PAIN"

Page 141: The only things that have happened in 10 pages is: 1) She listened to a CD over and over (in order to not think). 2) She sat - not walked - in the woods (in order to continue not thinking). 3) She wrote a god damn essay. WHY DO PEOPLE FIND THIS INTERESTING?

[updates ongoing]

Twilight Read-Through: Day 2

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Page 14: "No one was going to bite me." HAHAHHA I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

Page 15: "At least my skin wouldn't be a stand-out here." Seriously, has anyone examined the racial things going on in this book? I know a lot has been said about gender in Twilight. But why is this white girl in a SUPER white part of the country constantly talking about her skin color? Apparently being the slightly wrong shade of white is a major concern for people? What?

Page 28: Holy fucking shit. You've been there one day. Calm the fuck down, bitch.

Page 34: Why are these people emailing?

Page 50-ish: WRITE THE WORD "SAID." WRITE IT. WRITE IT NOW, GOD DAMN IT. SPEECH DOES NOT NEED TO BE NOTED WITH ANYTHING MORE INTERESTING THAN "SHE FUCKING SAID." PERIOD. AND DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE THROW IN A COMMA SO YOU CAN ATTACH ACTIONS TO SPEECH, EITHER, YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER.

Why is this book called Twilight? Is it because it's apparently always raining in Washington (not true) and everyone is SO WHITE. So beautifully, perfectly white.

Page 58: The phrase "the full, devestating power of his eyes" is one I never want to read again.

Page 62: "Dr. Cullen said in a remarkably appealing voice." These people being attractive is no longer fucking remarkable in even the slightest way.

Page 75: "but I fell down a lot." Why can't this bitch stay upright? Does she have an inner ear thing going on?

Page 80: Has Meyer ever been to Washington? She thinks there's no sun, constant downpours and zero opportunities to eat Mexican food.

I am so disappointed that adults in the universe like this book...

Page 90: "I don't like double standards." HAKJHAKSJHRKJEHRKL I can't... I'm gonna die... I'm actually gonna die.

Page 97: Up until this point, the Cullens and Hales are described as perfect, white and - we are reminded over and over - people who have perfect bodies but never, ever eat. Now, we have Bella's height listed as 5'4" and her weight as 110. 110 is the absolute least you can weigh at that height before you're starting to get seriously underweight and sickly. Sooooooo... You know... Draw your own conclusions here... But really, every mention of weight and eating and NOT eating is seriously disturbing. I get that they're vampires and don't eat food blah blah blah blow me. Still, their perfection, and apparently Bella's, is obviously and directly linked to their extreme thinness and lack of desire to eat.

Page 99: "though the queasiness would probably have passed faster if I'd eaten something for lunch." God damn it.

Page 100: So she can smell blood and doesn't need to eat and has no sense of balance. Is she a vampire or something too? I thought she was human in this book? I'm confused.

Page 106: "What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings and extensive tattoos?" This is the only line that has legitimately made me smile.

God, I hate the chapter titles.

Twilight Read-Through: Day 1

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I lost a bet.

This book starts with a Bible quote and a vague preface. Why did anyone keep reading?

Page 4: Main character is described as looking just like another character, neither of whom have been described at fucking all.


Grown ass woman is apparently incapable of making sure she doesn't starve to death unless there's a man around to stock the refrigerator.

Page 7: "I never looked a free car in the mouth - or engine."


I long for the sweet release of death.

Page 10: How the FUCK does an average-looking white girl "physically ... never fit in anywhere" ??!?!??

NaNoWriMo

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I said I wouldn't do it. I didn't have time. I didn't have an outline. I never work without outlines. I didn't know what to write. I was busy at work and stressed out. There was absolutely no way.

Accidental NaNoWriMo.

Current word count: About 28,000

Yep.

Anyone else NaNoing? How's it going? I figure I needed to hit 25,000 by Nov. 16, so I'm feeling pretty smug about my word count right about now.

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Friday Flas: 8.10.13

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Traveler

This is how it works: You wake up in a field or wood. Everything seems strange. The trees don't quite smell like trees. The grass doesn't quite smell like grass. And the sun is just slightly the wrong shade of yellow, like you're looking at the world through a dirty glass. You're bewildered and alone until a beautiful/handsome stranger finds you.

And that's how it starts. Learn their language, their culture. Become the king/queen/president/dictator/leader's pet curiosity.

Sometimes you kill him (rarely, her) in his sleep. Sometimes it's subtle: poison, an accident, disease. Sometimes it's blunt: a knife, a gun, if they have them. Once, for fun, you convinced someone else to do it for you.

It doesn't really matter how. Only that the job is done and whatever reality you innocently awoke in is rebuilt.

There are always more waiting to be reshaped.

Suddenly... progress?

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And all of a sudden I'm halfway-ish through my edits. What?

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you just sit down and work without thinking about starting and ending points.

Friday Flash: 7.26.13

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Birds and Bees

I learned about the birds and the bees when I got woken up one night by a light in the barn. I crept out of bed to investigate. There was no one inside but my brother and the pigs.

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misha_mcg
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